Serb Savvy Dating

Your Guide to Serb Savvy Dating is prompted by a comment on this blog by an art loving fashionista on the East Coast. She is currently crushing on a guy from Serbia.  This post will also serve to address the many hits on this site I’ve gotten that resulted from Google search engine terms such as “how to find a Serbian boyfriend”. Who’d have known this would be such a popular topic?!

Obviously, being Serbian doesn’t define someone’s personality any more than being American defines my personality. It is only one of many facets that contribute to me being me. In fact, my nationality affects my beliefs, world views, and values more than it does my everyday preferences, habits, or lifestyle. However, any nationality can be typified and I will attempt to do so here- if only to save you a few headaches down the road:

If I could describe the typical male Serb (born and raised in Serbia), I think he’d be something like this:

His name is probably Marko, Milan, Milos, Ivan, Jovan, Rade, Stefan, or Aleksandar. His last name end in “ic”. He owns an espresso maker and uses it daily. He is probably good-looking, semi-athletic, has good personal hygiene, and likes designer labels. Some people might wonder if he is gay, but he is not, (Serbia tends to be very anti-gay), he is actually just a metro sexual European. He probably likes to watch soccer and basketball on TV, but likes to play tennis in real life. He crosses his legs like a woman. He will communicate bluntly, to the point of being rude and offensive but try not to take it personally, this is just the Serbian way. With every meal, he must have bread, regardless of how many carbs are already present. He will eat a lot of rich foods, but maintain a fit body. He will probably be a liberal. He will be accustomed to strong liquor shots, and will like to toast before, during, and after, a meal. (Americans  – don’t forget that European etiquette requires making eye contact and clinking glasses with everyone separately while toasting) He will kiss others (both men and women) on the cheeks daily and think nothing of it. He will probably be a chauvinist, but don’t fret, he is curable. He likes a girl who wears high heels, but doesn’t ever complain that her feet hurt. He wants her to cook for him just like his Mama. This is impossible, but you can try. He will probably not go to church regularly, although he will know where the closest Serbian Orthodox church is, and who is in charge.  He will know exactly where he was during the 1999 NATO bombing. He will prefer to save for vacations than to save for retirement, (not his fault – it’s a common European mentality left over from socialism) and he gets excited about hearing conspiracy theories. Your Serb understands the beauty in doing nothing at all, and doing it with style, and he loves to have fun.

Dating a foreigner can seem exciting at first, but ultimately is a challenge for even the strongest love and best compatibility. Soon you will move past the cute accents, the funny stories from childhood highlighting cultural differences, and the mastering of a few Serbian phrases. You will move into territory that will test your relationship. You will deal with differences in religion and spirituality, holiday rituals, political biases, finances, work ethics, gender roles, social situations, and of course, major language barriers that will never completely go away. He will probably be a part of a tightly knit Serbian community, and you may find it difficult or impossible to be accepted there. If you end up in a long-term relationship, expect to spend most of your vacation time in Serbia visiting his family/friends. Though these issues will undoubtedly challenge you, they will also be building blocks to help you understand each other better, grow closer as a couple, and even grow as individuals. Hopefully, learning about each other’s cultural differences will develop each of you into more well-rounded individuals, as you seek to learn from and understand the other’s perspective.

Date Ideas for Serbian/American Couples:

  • Go shopping for an espresso machine together
  • Attend a Slava (if you don’t know what this is, ask your Serb)
  • Watch Novak Djokovic (the number 1 tennis player in the world) compete in the upcoming US Open or other Grand Slam
  • Spend an afternoon at a street side café, sitting outside, people watching, and nursing your cappuccino for hours

Gift Ideas for a Serbian Boyfriend:

  • Clothing from Lacoste
  • Fitted T-Shirt with Italian or Russian logo on it
  • Make him a home cooked comfort food meal (he won’t see this as a gift, but you might)
  • Search out a hard to find Serbian food item online and have it shipped (Ajvar, Kajmak, bottle of Sljivovica)
  • A book by Momo Kapor, a famed Serbian author
  • Coffee Table book about Nikola Tesla

Best of Luck with Serb Savvy Dating

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96 thoughts on “Serb Savvy Dating

  1. Ohmygoodness thank you so much! That was terribly kind of you to write a whole post to answer my questions. This will be like my Bible. Thank you so much again – I can’t repay you!
    Fondly,
    Betty Marshall

    • My pleasure! This is a fun topic for me, since I dated my Serb for several years before we tied the knot only 1 year short ago. Please let me know if I can answer any more questions! And good luck! :)

      • I have one question. My Serb lives in Belgrade and he recently bought a new apartment. I want to buy him an Espresso machine but I’m having a hard time finding websites that sell products for European countries. Any suggestions?

        Thanks

      • HI Alpha Juliet. Loving your blog. I have a Serbian male friend who is very attractive in a rugged way. I do find him attractive, and I feel that he finds me attractive too. A friend of mine made a suggestive comment about him previously taking his sports vest off and showing off his body previously. He looked at me briefly, lifted his vest top up to show off his body again, then rubbed my lower belly, slapped me playfully on the backside, kissed my friend on the cheek. When I asked where was my kiss. He preceded to kiss me on the top of my right breast. I was fully dressed by the way. If this is the Serbian male way of greeting female friends, then I dumbstruck. Basically, what does this all mean? I have a few male platonic friends and all they do is kiss me on the cheek and give me hugs. I would be interested in your feedback.

        • One thing I forgot to mention Alpha Juliet. After my Serbian friend made the above gestures. He sat down and gave me a strange look, and I asked him if he was ok. He replied yes. He started bantering with another friend of mine, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then stood up, gave me the same strange look, and told me to stop giving him Thai looks. By which I meant flirtacious looks at him. I was just looking at him, as he was looking intensely at me. I’m part Asian. That comment puzzled me also. Would appreciate feedback on this. Do Serbian men feel intimidated by a woman who looks directly into their eyes? What’s going on with him, regarding his behaviour? I would so appreciate your feeback on all of this. Look forward to your and anyone’s replies.

          • Again, I don’t think there this is necessarily a cultural thing, I think he’s interested in you, and the flirtation is filled with sexual tension. He doesn’t know how to make a move. Just show him your are interested and it will start moving in the right direction.

          • Hi, thanks for your reply. In follow up to my post, I saw him around again, and this time got him on his own, he was a bit wary when he saw me, I gave him a big hug and whispered in his ear that I enjoyed his flirting from the last time. He looked surprised and said “yeah! reallty, and then asked for my number to go out sometime. I need your feedback on his response to my hug, and what I did next. I was looking at replies to a video on YT that was in Italian. I presed the google translation button, which translated the Italian to English. I saw a list of languages that could be ued to translate, and Serbian was one of them. So, I messed around and found the words for Hello and Thank You in Serbian. Next time, I ran in the Serb, he complimented me, and left to do an errand. I texted that I had enjoyed his compliment, and ended the text with the words Hvala Vahm, which is Serbian for Thank You. He returned and was giving me a penetrating look, and remarked on my text, and that I had used his language to say thank you. I said yes, I know. He asked me how I knew, and instead of fessing up, I teased him a bit, and said “oh that’s my little secret”. He looked a bit put out, and since then he has been a bit guarded with me, such as not hugging me when greeting me or my friends. I feel that I may have screwed up the sexual tension between us. So, I texed him to apologise for upsetting him by not fessing up, and said that if I had done or said anything to upset him, that it was not my intention to do so and that I liked and respected him to do that to him. I have not received a reply, and have a feeling that he may want to speak to me in person. Alpha Juliet, I could do with your feedback on all of this. What’s going on with him. I notice that he still looks at my figure, but he is a bit distant with me. He is free and easy with my friends who are louder than me. I’m the quiet,closed-book one in my group. What’s going on with the Serb? Look forward to hearing from you.

          • Btw, your post is very funny (and true at some parts, not sure about others, I am not a specialist :) ). When I first knew him, I actually thought my serb was gay! I only convinced myself he was not when I heard his voice :P And his name is actually one of the ones you mentioned!

    • Serbian Men

      Not many people write about the beauty of Serbian men. And it’s not because they are

      not beautiful, trust me! Serbian men are just gorgeous, the real examples of the

      mankind. They are usually very tall (Serbs are one of the tallest nations in the world),

      with strong bones and high Slavic cheekbones, usually dark haired, but there are also

      blond ones. They are extremely passionate about everything, from women to football.

      They are very loud, confident about themselves and hot tempered.

      The Serbian men love women, especially the foreign ones, not because the Serbian

      women aren’t attractive to them (on the contrary) but because it’s not very usual to see

      a Latin or dark-skinned woman in this region. They are very proud of their female

      companions, and they treat them in a very protective manner. What they value the most

      in women are the traditional values that they think are lost in the majority of the western

      countries.

      When it comes to relationships, the majority of Serbian man is not very liberal. If you

      treat them well, they will be very polite and charming, loving and caring. But don’t expect

      them to let you be in a topless on a beach!

      The second thing Serbian men are very passionate about is beer and “rakija”. They love

      to drink, especially if accompanied with friends, while watching a football game. That is

      one thing that cannot be argued about, and something no woman will ever change.

      That’s just the way they are.

      If you are dating a Serbian man, one of the subjects that should be avoided is history.

      Serbs had a very complicated history that made them look like terrorists in the eyes of

      the world, even if they are not. It is ok to listen to their side of the story, but to argue

      with them about THEIR history is not an option.

      Serbian men are also very passionate about football. Most of them are divided between

      two football clubs, Partizan and Red Star. They love to argue about the football clubs and

      they’ll do anything to prove their favorite football club is the best.

      Serbian men also love to eat (that doesn’t mean they are fat, just that they are big

      gourmands). For them, an ideal woman is the one that cooks like their mother!

      All in all, according to the women that have visited Serbia, Serbian men are one of the

      hottest on the planet. They say that they are not only hot, handsome, fit, but also very

      charming very out-going without being aggressive when it comes to flirting and polite,

      treating women as women.
      —————————————————

  2. Pingback: Serbian Men: The View Of An American Woman | Serbia's Ambassador To The World

  3. Zdravo!
    Hi all! I’m the one who posted this on my blog, and thanks for sending hits my way! (http://www.ambassador-serbia.com/2011/09/03/serbian-men-the-view-of-an-american-woman/)
    As you can probably tell, this post is meant to be funny and lighthearted, but also a little insightful. These perceptions are based on the many Serbian men that I am associated with here in Los Angeles, and also based on my own experiences with my husband (Boban – born and raised in Belgrade and immigrated to US at age 26). Of course, stereotyping, like I did, is just that – a stereotype, and in no way covers the multitude of personality types and wide variety of complex character types that are present in Serbian society. And of course, as a little pre-emptive explanation, I should say that if someone were to write a stereotype of a typical American woman, I would DEFINITELY NOT fit that mold, and I’m sure there are thousands of Serbian guys that would say they don’t fit the mold I presented as well. Thanks for reading and I look forward to feedback! :)
    Cao!

  4. Hahahahahaha! This is both extremly offensive and funny! I love it! :)
    Now, being a gay man from Serbia (whaat?!) I just have to add someting.
    There’s the issue of Machoism. Serbian men will seem rude and dominant, tough and rough, but they’re not, actually. They may look like the alpha males but from my best friends’ (all girls) experiences, men here have a slight split personality issue. When in public, or with ‘ortaci’ (buddies) they will drink a lot of beer, scream at the tv, fight with people about Kosovo and honestly, be a little scary (or sexy, depending on your preferences)… but when alone with a girlfriend, they change completely. (One of my best friends is dating a 6’3” bodybuilder which we all thought was a serial killer… Several weeks into their relationship he started cooking for her and making plans for a romantic holiday) So, my point here, Serbian men are not openly romantic, but just wait for it… It’s somewhere inside them, you just need to bring it out ;)

    • I love this comment, thank you, it’s SO TRUE!! My serb is a real romantic at heart, especially when its just the two of us. For a long time, I kept thinking, is he for real?? But he is, he’s just a cheesy, sticky sweet, pure romantic. :)

    • bane, your post was so hilarious I laughed out loud! I told my serbian boyfriend that if I had read this blog years ago it would have saved a lot of misunderstandings!

  5. Good post, a lot of it sounds like my Serb bf, except the coffee bit. We’ve been together 4 yrs, so I find alot in this I could relate too. He is also a closet romantic, macho chauvinist lol Serb guys are complexed.

  6. Zdravo! Here is girl from Serbia, actually Belgrade..:) I like your post Alpha Juliet!:) It’s very interesting subject about Serbian guys :) I must confess (not because i am Serb :)) but Serbian guys are really, really handsome..It’s true what Bane said, they can be romantic (but more of them when they are alone with their girlfriends) ;). They like to watch every important game match, weekend is reserved for beer with their mates or some good party in some fancy club where they can find atractive girls for one night, hahah…Joke on side, everything depends of person..but true is that Serbs are not too religious, specially men. I wanted to ask u something.. How was your experience with American guys before and could you give me some general opinion? My boyfriend is American and i am a Serb, so i am curious :)

    • Hey there! Thanks for your comment! I certainly agree with what you said, as my Serb is both devastingly handsome, and incredibly romantic! A killer combo! :) As for American guys, well…. that deserves an entire post of its own! As with any nationality, but perhaps even more so with Americans, becasue we are so extremely diverse, there is an incredible amount of variety from person to person, and his personality will be affected by his region, his family, his education, ethnicity, etc. For example, an East Coast guy who grew up in Boston or New York, will be quite different than his male counterpart who grew up almost 3,000 miles away in California, or a guy who grew up in the Midwestern Suburbs. Is your boyfriend living in Belgrade? Or are you living in the US? Perhaps its long distance? I’d love to know a bit more about your situation, perhaps I will even do a blog post on American guys dating Serbian girls!
      Thanks for reading! :)

    • Thank You! I sure had fun writing it. Just checked out your site, and I really loved your “Coffee with Tetka” Poem! I read it aloud to my husband, who also enjoyed it. Can’t wait to read more! :)

  7. Hey, hey!
    Thanks for replying, Alpha Juliet!:) Your comments are interesting.
    Actually, my boyfriend is from California, San Diego but currently lives in Rome and i am living in Belgrade. We are seeing each other almost every month, because he is coming often to Belgrade, he is very interested for Serbian culture, food, tradition everything what is include. Always ask me what is “slava”, how many people are coming for that day, what we usually eat etc. Really curious guy about everything :)) And he is working in tourism, so i guess that is reason more to explore all good things about Serbia :)

    p.s. That blog post about dating Serbian girls with American guys sounds cool. If i can help you with my situation on some way, please let me know!:)

    Best regards!

  8. Hiya!
    I can’t tell you how helpful this post is!!! I have had a few dates with a Serbian man that I find incredibly attractive and absolutely wonderful, so my experience is somewhat limited at this point, but I found myself laughing at this article because it already seems so indicative of him!! He is super good-looking, very charming and outgoing, definitely has pride, and shall we say, favours the traditional side of a man and woman in relationship ;)

    I have a cultural dating question here though – as a fellow Angeleno in the US :) At what point do I assume that I shouldn’t be dating other people as far as what he might be expecting? As you know in LA, people tend to date a lot, and he has already done some hinting about me “being a good girl” while he’s out of town over the holidays LOL! I adore him so it isn’t a problem if that’s what he’s getting at, but since I AM female and I don’t really bring up “the relationship talk” (I leave that to the guy), I’m not really sure what this is code for…I get asked out on dates a lot, so I’m not sure if culturally this is his way of saying he wants to be exclusive. I’ve just been playing it by ear but definitely want to understand if this is his expectation. Thoughts?

    • Yes, I do have thoughts on this!! :) I was surprised at this little cultural difference too. Early on in my relationship with my Serb, when I brought up the “define the relationship” talk and suggested exclusivity, he laughed, he had assumed it from day one. He sortof implied that’s just the way it was with his people. In his mind, we already were and we didn’t even need to bring it up. For me, I wasn’t used to that, I figured we were open until we defined things, but not so in his eyes. I think you hit the nail on the head at the end of your post, he wants you to be exclusive, and that’s his way of saying it. He probably won’t be dating anyone but you for the time being. I agree – its a cultural difference. Good Luck and have fun!! :)

      • Thank you so much for this! Very helpful. We are having lots of fun, had our first “passionate discussion” (funny, I kind of thought it was an argument, LOL!), and I’m really enjoying spending time with him. It is definitely an exercise in navigating cultural differences but I enjoy that sort of thing!! I appreciate your insights.

        • Hey Julie,
          Been awhile since I posted – I ended things with my Serb a couple of months after asking you about this, and then we rekindled things in early November of this year. Unfortunately, I found out that he was unfaithful to me :( So I had to end things for good. It has been really difficult for me for a lot of reasons.
          What I’m trying to understand is if this is some kind of chauvinism/POV that I can’t combat, or if this is isolated to him. (I’m asking a sincere question, and I certainly don’t mean to offend anyone.) He had just brought me to a Slava celebration with his friends and I was sleeping over at his place a few/couple of nights a week, and I just don’t know if I misunderstood something.
          He also seemed to keep company of pretty young females – in hindsight, I don’t understand if that kind of relationship is a cultural thing and separate from his infidelities, or if that was the red flag that normally would occur to me (which led to me finding out what was unhappily going on).
          Anyway, thanks for the insights!

          • I don’t think that infidelity is a cultural norm for Serbs. I do however see that Chauvinism is pretty common. A general sexist attitude does seem to be pretty prevalent, unfortunately, however this doesn’t mean that the men cheat on women more in Serbian culture than in other cultures. It exists, as it does in almost all cultures, and I think its more about the individual’s values than it is about his cultural upbringing. It seems like your Serb really made a mistake by cheating on you, and its his loss. Try to move on as soon as you can and find a guy that’s good enough and cares about you enough to keep it exclusive.

            Good Luck!

  9. I love this post and the comments! I am originally Romanian but have lived abroad for a long time. I’m currently crushing on a Serbian guy and I must say besides the tall dark handsomeness and hockey player physique the biggest deal maker for me is the fact that his culture is similar to mine. We do flirt and chat but I seem to get closer and closer to his other Serbian friend whenever I try to make a move. All our common friends say he likes me and is definitely interested but he is so quiet! We might talk today for hours and then he barely says ‘Hi’ the next day. Should I just give up and go for his friend? The friend is much more open towards me and sometimes oddly he seems like he’s cheering my target guy on whenever we’re all together(but that might just be my impression since I only understand 5 words an hour in Serbian). Does anyone have any thoughts or tips?
    My female pride tells me that if he were really interested he’d do something more significant but what if I’m missing out on something great just because I am too proud to show I’m (more) interested?

    • Hi Madelaine,
      Is it possible that he guy that is more talkative has mentioned to his friend (he one you like), that he himself likes you? Maybe thats why the guy you like isn’t more proactive, because he thinks his friend is interested in you and doesn’t want to interfere with his buddy’s business?
      In any case, I would give the guy you like a few hints that you’re interested. Maybe he needs a little reassurance that he won’t be rejected before he feels confident enough to make a move.
      Good Luck!

  10. Wow! I stumbled upon this blog and I am so glad! Definitely so much more callenging dating a person from a totaly opposite culture.
    My Serb boyfriend went home and told me a week before going that he was leaving for the holidays. He went to his village and no calls for a month except for email once a week (he says he had to walk 6 miles to a dial up internet at his neighbour’s house) – is this for real? Argh….

  11. My Serbian ex-boyfriend dumped me a few months ago. Been in a depression ever since. I miss him. Can’t walk down the street without seeing a guy that reminds me of him. Can’t visit the places we went to, or eat ajvar anymore. When you break up with someone of another culture, you lose not only the person, but all things associated with them. I was just starting to learn the language and develop relationships with his family. Then, after a year, he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and it’s over. I feel like such an idiot–I doubt he ever loved me at all really. He says I did nothing wrong, he just feels differently. Maybe it’s because I’m not Serbian. Now he’s seeing someone new. I thought I made him happy. I guess I was wrong. I know I need to get over this, but I can’t. I love him more than words could say. I wish I had a time machine.

    • Sweetie, I feel your pain, I have SO been there! Heartbreaks are a terrible thing to go through!! It may seem awful now, but with time, you will be able to move on. Though you miss all the little “Serbianisms” about him now, those things would have probably started to drive you crazy after awhile if you had stayed with him long enough anyway. Though the culture shock is fun at first, it ultimately becomes a struggle, and would have presented real issues for your relationship down the road. I know it hurts to see him moving on without you, but you will get there too soon enough. Good luck hun :)

    • Thank you both so much. This was a really difficult breakup, but I hope that I will make it through. I have bad days and good days–a day without crying is pretty good. I’m often sad, but I smile a little
      more as time goes on. I pray alot, for myself, and even though he’s hurt me, for him too. I miss him everyday, and I probably will never forget him, but I’m learning to live without him, and I guess that’s a good thing.

    • You can’t eat Ajvar anymore!? That bastard!

      Jokes on the side, I hope you feel better by now.

      One relationship should never stand in front of you and Ajvar. It’s a law in Serbia :)

  12. hang in there. I can’t speak from the cultural stance with Serbian men, but I had a bad breakup with a Frenchman and I do understand that part of it. I was almost fluent in French and it was hard for me to even think about speaking the language for awhile, even though I have my own group of Parisian friends. I agree with Alpha Juliet, heartbreaks are terrible to go through…I say do whatever you need to do right now to be kind to yourself, and I think in time you will be able to separate a beautiful *culture* from a *person* who is causing you pain that happens to be immersed in that culture. xo

  13. So glad I found this post. I met a Serb online 3 years ago and we’re finally meeting in person this year. I was nervous about it at first, but after reading this I’m super excited. Thank you for sharing.

    • Good Luck to you! I actually know an American girl who met a Serbian guy online and ended up moving to Serbia to be with him! Crazy, but it does happen. Thanks for reading! :)

      • Hi, reading all your posts now! They are great. I am an American but I’ve been living in France for the past couple of years. I met my Serbian boyfriend online as well almost a year ago! Trying to move there after graduating if I can get a job . We will see!

  14. Thanks so much! I recently started dating a Serb…. He is totally chauvanistic, but whatever. There’s more to love than hate when it comes to him:). I love how he’s proud of his culture and respects others, however he is sort of a mama’s boy… I’m hoping to change that. Also, any tips for food to make him? I have NO idea what Serbian food there is…

    • I think you’ll have better luck curing the chauvanism than the mama’s boy part of him. Unfortunately, Serbian guys tend to have both of those unsavory characteristics. As far as food goes, think comfort food, soul food. Thats what they love. Always have bread with whatever meal you serve, and you can’t go wrong by starting with a plate of “mezze”, starters. Try proscutto, cheese, and nuts. I’ve also had success with easier things like greek salad (without olives), and a brothy chicken noodle soup.

  15. Hello,
    I found your article extremely amusing and for the most part, accurate. I’m in high school and I’m dating my best friend, who happens to be Serbian. We’ve known each other for about a year now but we’ve only been together for a month. Everything is going great, however there’s one major flaw in this relationship: his dad doesn’t want him dating a non-Serbian girl(I’m Latina and German). His dad, Milan, was okay with us being friends but now he won’t even let us hang out. We end up going behind his dad’s back to be together, but I really don’t like that. His dad also said that it’s something to do with “back in Serbia, we didn’t date girls and bring them home unless we wanted to get married”. Woah. What’s with that? Iove him, but I think we’re way too young to be thinking that far ahead. I guess what I want to know is how to get his dad to like me. Well no, not even like, but to accept me. His mom is very sweet, as is his sister, but Milan is something else all together… Help?

    • Oh you poor thing! Dating in high school is pretty brutal. I had a few parents of boyfriends I dated back then be less than warm to me too.
      Here’s the deal. I have heard that line too, that they don’t bring girls home they are dating to introduce them to parents until they are ready to marry them. This doesn’t mean that your boyfriend is thinking about marriage. All this means is that, in Serbia, guys would date girls, but not bring them home to meet the parents UNTIL they were thinking about getting married. In America, obviously, we bring them home much sooner than that without even thinking about marriage. It’s just a cultural difference. Your bf’s dad is probably just freaked out, because to him, meeting and approving of you means approving of “his son marrying a foreigner”, which is something he probably just hasn’t wrapped his head around yet. It has nothing to do with you personally. You are approaching it from two different angles. Don’t get too worked up about it, you are dating the son, not the Dad, and therefore its the son’s opinion that really matters here. Don’t expend too much effort trying to change his Dad’s mentality. All you can do is be happy with your boyfriend. And eventually if you do get serious later in life, his parents will want what most parents want, for their son to be happy with someone who loves him.
      Good Luck!

    • Hello,

      I’m a guy from Belgrade, Serbia and it’s the first time I hear that in Serbia we don’t date girls and bring them home unless we wanted to get married, that’s just not true, Milan is lying to you, or he’s from a country side or simply backwarded or have some personal issues, not very open minded all in all.

      Good luck with your relationship :)))

  16. i would also add to the list to tread lightly on the politics chat. or just avoid it altogether, but also learn more about the war and serbia as a whole. when i met my guy i didnt even know serbia existed (ignorant american me) i also made the mistake of professing my love of bill clinton to my guy early in dating (big mistake!) once i learned more about where hes from and about the war i had a better understanding of him and his pride for his country!

  17. my boyfriend is Serbian and i have to admitt you described him almost exactly.. ofcourse I dont believe in sterotypes but pasted the this part to him in a text.. ■Go shopping for an espresso machine together and He wants her to cook for him just like his Mama. This is impossible, but you can try. and he called me back laughing. said “Yes why do you americans put milk in coffee i was going to say something to you about that.. and my mama is perfect Im glad im not the only person to know this :) … awesome blog .. lol

    • My ex was sweet. He was good at remembering dates, places and things we did together. I don’t know alot about serbian culture, and I don’t want to generalize, but I know meat is a big deal. He loved MEAT. He could eat almost anything, but if I cooked meat, he seemed to prefer that. He liked Lamb, prosciutto and cooked veal alot. Going to a Serbian restaurant was a treat for him– and he would always get a dish with alot of meat. Lol.
      Maybe it’s a European thing, but he was also obsessed with coffee. Espresso only, no cappuccino, no lattes. Just coffee black, no milk. He thought it was funny that I would always put milk and sugar in my coffee. When we first started dating, after I spent my first night with him, he offered me coffee that morning but he didn’t have any milk in his fridge. The next time I was there he pulled out some milk. He bought it because he knew I liked milk in my coffee. He’d do sweet little things like that. Shortly after we broke up I bought him an espresso maker. :)

  18. I came across your post and it seemed as if you were discribing the person I’ve been dating for the past 6 months. It was interesting to read the replies of the men that had read your post aswell. I now have a better understanding and know that he is true to his culture. Especially when it comes to me doing the cooking and he looks after changing a tire or repairing the plumbing etc. Thanks for sharing! :)

  19. I have a question i just broke up with my serbian boyfriend 6 weeks ago and im half serbian myself, we had a fantastic relationship everything was going great and moving quiet fast i even met his parents a month later they seemed to really like me which was a bonus, however two months later we broke up after i lost my job while we dated he was from melb i was in syd and he flew up every 2 weeks to be by my side for days at a time the plan was to move me down at some point bet when i lost my job in sydney i said ill move back to qld for a while so this way i can save my money and than come rather struggling it through in sydney, cut the story short we ended a week later and to be honest i have no idea why… however all my friends seems to think since my parents are divorced this may have been a factor in it?? is this really true that people these day judge that much … im kinda insulted about this actually and would just like to no what everyone else thinks about this …. mind you i have tried a few times to message him after this sudden break but i still never got ay closure at all or a reason for it … this man looked after me introduced me to his family spent alot of effort and time in this relationship … what has happened???

    • Oh, this is hard, I know. I don’t think your parents divorce had anything to do with it. This guy is probably just young and impulsive and doesn’t really know what he wants. Try not to take it too personally, it’s not you, its him. Maybe he moved too fast and it scared him, maybe someone else caught his eye, maybe he just lost interest, who knows? What matters is that you try to let go and move on and find someone who is really interested in you. You will get through it! :)

    • I relate. My ex broke up with me shortly after I suggested we move in together. I just think the relationship dynamic changed with you guys. Some relationships are only intended to last a season, even when we desire something lasting. Seasons change. You said yourself that things were moving fast, and then you lost your job; the moving, the finances–all of that have created some pressure. But, regardless as to what may have added some more fuel to the fire, one thing is certain. If he is supposed to be with you, he will be. Don’t blame yourself or spend anymore time trying to figure out why things failed– It’s pointless and painful. Sometimes they just do for reasons beyond your control. Don’t worry about him. Take care of YOU and do your healing work. Build a beautiful life for yourself. If he’s your intended, fate will bring him back to you. If not, a better man for you will come along.

  20. I have some questions, not related to dating, but about Serbian men!! I am a single mother with 3 young boys. I live on a house on the same property (seperate houses but we share grounds etc) with a Serbian man who has been here (Australia) for 12 years. He is a single father and also has a son, similar age to my sons.

    We have been living here for 6 months and it is fantastic, he is absolutely amazing with my boys and they adore him. basically as soon as we moved in here he has taken over the ‘father’ role – something my sons have never had as their father and I broke up when they were babies and they don’t see him. He gives my sons things like a bike, has them over to his place all the time (I can see right into his house or i am there myself so I have no doubt that they are safe), disciplines them (kindly – but in a ‘man’ way that I as a mother can’t pull off!) and basically does all the duties a father should and completely backs me up as a mother. He is always telling them to respect me and look after me, and often reminds me to let him know if I don’t agree with something he says to the kids or how he disciplines them. I have had people wonder if there is some sort of ulterior motive (like is he trying to impress me?) but I assume it is partly a cultural thing (he is from a small village in Serbia where neighbours are treated like family) and that he dearly loves children. Would I be right in thinking that?

    Friends etc joke /assume that this man has a crush on me but i really don’t think so, I think he is just a kind and friendly person. He is 15 years older than me and is forever going on about how he is much older than me – I don’t know why (personally I don’t think it is that much older but that is irrelevant!) – and (again, a cultural thing?) is very proper. He is extremely polite to me and does make little jokes here and there but he isn’t sleazy or anything and the vibe I get off of him is always good, and safe.. (if i call my cat he sticks his head out the door to make sure I’m ok!) I have been over to his house plenty of times for dinner and coffee etc.. but always with kids present. One time I went over while all the kids were at school / kindy and he invited me in for coffee. We were sitting and talking/drinking our coffee when my mother showed up for a visit. He went into full panic mode and started saying “oh no no no your mother is going to think why are you here in my house!” which I thought was bizarre as we were only drinking coffee!!! He came out and kept telling my mother we were only having coffee. Was very strange… cultural again perhaps? Is it not a good thing to have a woman (unchaperoned!?) in your house alone??

    One night my kids were at their grandparents and his son was at his mothers. I had a friend over who is married and has kids, she wanted a break from her kids so we decided to have a few wines. After a few we noticed that my neighbour was home by himself so I text him to see if he wanted a wine. We ended up going over to his house (first time I have been allowed into his house without the kids since the coffee incident 2 month ago haha) and drinking more wine and his married slovenian friend ended up coming over too. Then they started pouring us shots of – well I don’t know what (which is a terrible thing in hindsight) My friend and i got very drunk and decided we better go home. The married Slovenian followed us back to my house to our horror and it took me quite a bit of effort to get his hands off me and to get him out of my house. It wasn’t a pleasant experience to be honest and in the end i had to call my neighbour back out of his house to tell his friend to go home. they had an argument but not in English so I have no idea what was said but the neighbour was extremely apologetic the next day about his friends behaviour. i told him later I’m not that kind of girl and he looked suprised then relieved (i think) and said he would send his friend over to apologise but i told him not to.

    Did we do the wrong thing by suggesting we all have a wine together? I assumed it was a harmless thing but now I am wondering if they thought 2 women drinking wine with them meant that we wanted sex?? I might be old fashioned but we all knew the Slovenian is married – is cheating kind of accepted there or something?? My neighbour didn’t stop his friend following us back to my house – he kept saying that he didn’t know what arrangements I had made with his friend.. there were none!!

    I’m still quite shocked by the whole incident and realise that the culture has no bearing on the actual behaviour… my main question in regards to this incident is that if we invited ourselves over for wine would that have been interpreted as something else….

    I really enjoy having this man as my neighbour, he is lovely, but I find him very very hard to read and understand so I thought I might get some insight by asking here!! Thanks :)

    • Renee,

      It seems like your neighbor is a good man, and probably enjoys having your boys around and feeling that sense of community. He could be interested in you but really does feel that his age is a factor, even if you do not. If you are interested in him, I think that you would want to show him in some way that you really are interested, otherwise he may feel that you just don’t see him that way and he doesn’t want to complicate the situation by acting on his own feelings.

      As for the Slovenian man hitting on you, I do not feel that cheating is accepted in Serbian culture more than in any culture, and its clear that he is just a dirt bag, so continue to steer clear.

      The situation with your mother visiting does puzzle me a bit. It seems odd that a grown man would react in this way. I do not think this is a cultural thing, as there is nothing about unchaperoned women in a mans house that would raise a red flag in the Serbian culture, you are adults, not teenagers, and even then, I don’t see it being a problem. This is the one thing that seems a little odd, but not too crazy, maybe he is just a little uptight and really is the type that worries a little too much about what other people think of him.

      Good Luck!

  21. This is very interesting site of yours, very informative. I’m an Asian, and have few Serbian friends online for more than 4yrs to date. Through constant communication I found them simple good looking, stunning and educated. Yes, I agree they’re very respectfully and truly love their mother so much. Hmm, I almost fell in love with one of them, but I hold back simple because of distance and age difference.

    I hope one day I get to meet a real Serbian guy. :)

  22. This is a great humorous post! I had a classmate at school who was Serbian and this describes him perfectly. His name was Milos, last name ends in “ic”, athletic, good-looking, played tennis. Reading this, and then the comments I was quite amazed that this generalization fit the bill for so many Serbians! Unlike Americans or Canadians, who are generally quite different from one another, Serbians are all very similar! Serbian culture is fascinating. :)

  23. Hello Alpha Juliet! Thanks for your great posts! :) I have some questions.. In terms of culture/people, is there a big difference between Serbia and Montenegro? I met a Montenegrin man a year ago when he was on a trip. After he left we have been in close contact through Facebook.. He has been trying to come to see me, and I do like him! I read on your blog that sex is usually a must on a date, and I’m worried because I’m Christian and my family is traditional. Also, he is flirty and makes comments about spending nights together…is that normal? On the other hand, he is very hardworking (often busy with work, has 2 jobs), has his own hobbies, but will still take time to talk to me. It would be very helpful if you could give me some advice..! (Btw he’s 12 yrs older than I, I am 18…) Thanks again!

    • Sophie,

      It is exciting to meet someone new that you are attracted to, especially someone who may seem exotic, but you must be mistaken about what I have said. I never said anything about sex on a first date. I also come from a traditional family, and would never suggest that. If you are only 18 and he is 30, I would proceed with caution. The younger you are, the more the age difference matters. He is at a much different place in life than you are, and you want to make sure he is respectful of you.

      -AJ-

  24. Hi :) I’ve stumbled across this blog and I’ve found the description of us Serbian men amusing and accurate. One thing I do not agree is about coffee. Traditionally Turkish coffee is drunk and most people still drink it, except young people in larger cities (there are only two – Belgrade and Novi Sad) – who prefer the same instant coffee drunk in the West – Nescafe being the favourite. I don’t really know many people who own an espresso machine, may be it’s Serbs in USA sort of thing. Btw, we also never ever drink tea unless we have a flu and then we drink it with honey and lemon. However that is neither here nor there. One thing that really is important ladies is that we are VERY direct and if you ask us if your “bum looks big in this” – we will tell you what we think and not what you would like to hear. This can be a problem with women who are used to more diplomatic parlance. And if you challenge him he will be puzzled and remind you that you said that you like when man is honest. Another thing already mentioned but very important and can’t be over emphasised is that we do have like discussions that can get heated but they are not arguments in a fight sense and we love you all the same, may be even more once we are finished. When you get enough best finish it with a joke or through a pillow at him laughing… and running away from him if you want to be chased and caught ;) Good luck and all the best!

    • John, thanks for your post and Juliet thanks for the getting this started…a fun and insightful conversation. I found this site looking for some insight into my beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, romantic, cuddly, loving Serb man. I have known him for only a few days, but we are engaged in a most marvelous holiday love affair. I am not in the habit of asking if “my bum looks good” (My bum always looks good! :-) but he has caught me off guard with some comments that I wasn’t expecting… for example, when we first met he said I was obviously older than my two girl friends. Well this is true, I am ten and 15 years older then the two friends I am traveling with, but I was at first taken aback when he said it! He too is 10 years younger, so I don’t see this as any more than a holiday fling, but it is lovely while it lasts. I do wish I could pack him up in my suitcase and take him home with me…it will be hard to say goodbye!

      • Aren’t holiday flings fun? I’m glad you are having a good time and you seem to be realistic about the situation, which is great! As far as his comment about your relative age, this is very typical for Serbs. They are very blunt, to the point that it seems rude to nonSerbs. My Serb told me (on one of our very first dates), that one of my dear friends he had just met was fat. He just said it outright as if it was normal to say such a thing. I was incredibly offended and thought him insensitive. I learned later, over time and many frustrating arguments, that this is just a Serbian thing. They don’t mean to be rude, they just don’t understand the concept of tact, like we in Western civilizations do.
        Good Luck and Have Fun!

        • Yeah Serbs do have a tendency to call someone fat or too skinny outright. I know coz im a Serb. Most of us do it…. the truth is that we do know its mean/offensive, but most of us just don’t care because we tend to be very blunt. In my family its normal for people to tell someone if they’re getting fat because while it may be rude, Serbs see it as necessary to tell someone in order for them to understand that its not healthy or attractive to look that way. It doesn’t mean we don’t like that person, ut just means we want better for them or have higher expectations.

    • You’re right, they do drink Turkish coffee a lot in Belgrade, something that I really loved when I was there, and the Nescafe instant stuff was quite a surprise, its not bad, but its not good. It does the trick for the morning I guess. And yes, Tea is only drunk when you are sick. A pity. Pillow fight with your man after an argument?? Sounds like nothing but a man’s fantasy.

  25. well i will tell you im not american… im latin american and my friend you just describe my husband.
    we get married 5 years ago when we were 25…..i didnt understood a lot of things like now. We lived in my country first and now we move here because this is were he feels better. So wish me luck!!!1

    • Good Luck to you!! I really do wish you the best, and I hope you can find the great things about Belgrade to enjoy and also maintain peace with your husband. Maybe try to get involved with an expat community there so you can meet some friends from your part of the world and feel at home instead of just only Serbs.Let me know how it goes! :)

  26. I am so glad I came across your blog! After reading the blog and all the comments, it made it so much easier to understand my now Serbian boyfriend. It’s still a struggle for us to understand each other sometimes but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one going through it. Thanks for posting!

  27. this blog is nice.but it’s not like my mum’s… ;) you cheered me quite a bit.maybe after this writings,there will be some hope for us,serbian guys.

  28. Originally from the Balkans countries, but not from Serbia, I spent one unforgettable year in the US, attending college and spending time with Serbians.
    Although my father is originally from Serbia, the only time I spent there during my childhood were the long, warm summers, and I couldn’t really claim that I knew Serbs. Coming from a much more ethnically complex and nationally diverse country, plagued by war in my teen and early adolescent years I spent much more time thinking and observing my own country and fellow nationals, than thinking about our neighbors and my Dad’s homeland.
    But then, I was invited to spend a year abroad in the US, and my – surprisingly not American, but Serbian – odyssey had begun. Within the very first days of my arrival to the US soil, I met a wonderful Serbian girl, who then became my gate to meeting – God, is it possibly true?- each and every Serbian living in the city I was studying in.
    Did they really stick together that much? Yup, they did. I would be wrong in saying that they didn’t have other friends, Americans, other Europeans, or that they didn’t date or marry other nationals- they did. In fact, my Serbs where quite popular wherever they would go but for every major (and not so major) American or Serbian holiday they were always together and always bringing some new Serbs with them.
    I will never forget Halloween party in a local bar where in the middle of the US soil all you could hear where Serbians shouts and cheers. Yeah, they were a lively little crowd. Or New Year celebrations at one of the Serbian friend’s home with – full house, ex-Yugoslavian music and food, happy faces and voices Srećna Nova Godina coming from all around me. Or May 1st picnic… which we of course had on May 4th, because May 1st is a regular working day in the States… I still have a picture of us, happy gang of 30 people, in a local park, happy and with full stomachs after barbecue and unavoidable (home-made) cevapi and pljeskavice…
    But it wasn’t only for holidays that this bunch was crowding together. No, no, no…. They would meet every weekend for the night out, every Tuesday for the guys night out, every last Saturday of the month for the ex-YU rock party. They played basketball on weekends, watched basketball games on any given day, watch tennis matches whenever possible, and just hanged out the rest of the time. It amazed me how every American thing can be done in a Serbian way. We even had over an hour long coffee get-togethers in a local Starbucks.
    God help the one standing between a Serb and his friends… They did have their own “lively discussions”, “loud disputes” and “heated conversations” but stood united when confronted with a third party.
    Generosity is a thing that comes from the heart and they had a heart to give away. They have opened their hearts and homes to all they deemed worthy and the only thing they judged you by is your own heart and honesty. Friendship was a new religion for them, the true faith they obediently followed and observed. They were always there for one another, for better or worse, musketeers. Need money – how much? Problems in paradise with girlfriend – let’s hear it over a beer! Need to move – coming over with a truck first thing Saturday morning. Was that a leftover from the socialist system, or these guys were simply like that I honestly couldn’t say, but I never had a greater sense of community and support than with them.
    That was the best year in my life. Living the American life with Serbs.
    My Serbs… Tall and short, with perfect smiles and crooked teeth, with beards and mustache, perfectly shaven, blond and dark, blue-eyed and dark-eyed… I miss them so much.
    I learned much about myself and about them during my time in the US. I learned to be true, and to be a good friend. I learned to enjoy my life even under the most unusual circumstances. And I learned to give everyone a chance as one never knows when the opportunity for happiness might be missed if the chance is not given.
    Maybe this is not the best reply to your post, dear AJ, but that is the only response I have. So I talk about them here today, talk gently, talk only the good things and talk with love. And I believe that there is someone here who will understand me.

  29. Im a Serb guy living in Australia and after reading all that has been said the only thing i can add is that we do care what other people think. The way i was raised it was important to repesent yourself well in public and by representing yourself well you are a reflection of who you are and how you were raised. To me that was central to my identity growing up. To be ill mannered, to be a bum, dressed poorly or whatever was a big no no.. it many ways we are kind of old fashioned in a moral sense but in good way. We have many hangups and really high expectations but those expectations to us are normal and the way it should be. As in i thought someone made a good point about a guy who assumd that they were exclusive.. If im dating a girl it bothers me a great deal if shes dating others, even if we are dating its like a prerun to relationship and if shes sleeping around it just isnt an attractive quality. So i guess overall i would say we are an old fashioned bunch but not like arabs lol.. we want our women to be confidant,independat but loving, caring and that we are central to her world.. think 1950s america.. a modern civillization but with values that still hold true.. now as stated this ifrom an Australian serb so i hav my own influences etc but those core values i think are prob central. Interesting to hear other opinions on my thoughts. Btw the reason im reading this post is to educate me a lil bit more about dating serb girls as i havent really dated any so this is a whole new world for me.. btw 36 and yes it is true we love our mums :) but thats simply becuase they give us a reason to love them. they set a good example as do our fathers so yes we tend to mimmick what we experience and we all want a loving and nurturing woman.. is that such a bad thing ?

  30. ooh i love the text!!. I have a serbian boyfriends(sence two years back)- iam palestinian and we both live in sweden. Iam just woundring if you can tell my some stuff i need to expect when i vistet in his relativs in serbia/bosnia?.. Iam going this summer whit him to bosnia and serbia and wIll meet his relativs :).

  31. Ah, girl, i find your blog awesome! Something useful for us- foreign women loving Serbian guys. I am Slovak, living in Germany and after dating Slovaks, Austrian, Germans and a Russian…and a Kurd , (well, ok, i am almost 33 -nest year-and didn´t have much luck in love) i´ve started dating a Serbian 7 months ago. I´ve met him 11 months ago while still being together with my last Russian boyfriend. However, as much as i loved that last one, Michail, i knew he wasn´t the right man for me, as he (ok, was 16 years older than me) didn´t want to get married, nor he wanted to start a family. So i had only 2 things to do: either i will stay with him and we´ll live “wild” together-and childless, or we´d break up and i´d get the chance to start a life i wished for me. Now you know, what i did. However painfull, i am glad for it. But back to “my” Serbian. What is quite funny, i always fancied older men (all my partners were older than me. Much older), Dragan is 5 years younger (!) than me. Well, that was the first thing i had on my mind before letting him to enter my life. That was a no-go for me. But…but…we met accidentally as my good friend (she is also Slovak) is together with a guy from Bosnia (he is bosnian Serb) and they are happily together for 5 years now, planning wedding next year. And Dragan (my Serb) is a good friend of her Bosnian guy…so here we are. Totally accidentally i met my Serbian guy. And as i still was taken i wasn´t interested in men like men, if you know what i mean :) But as we were out in the Friday night, and had much fun (me and my friends), i also talked to this charming and very handsome (and as you all say, yep) young man. I found out what he is doing, that he is living in Munich (where i live also) since 2007 and….that he would be single. Well, i don´t wanna say he was behind my break-up from my Russian, as he wasn´t. He was very kind, charming, handsome devil, but he (as he knew i am not free and “available”) didn´t have first move, he actually didn´t do nothing. Literally. We´ve been seeing each other from time to time (as we were out with common friends), but nothing more, nothing less. And then….2 weeks after ny break-up, he sent me-to my huge surprise- a sms (called me then too) that he would like to see me-alone, it means without friends. And so we met and after 3 dates we started dating “seriously”. It is for me, even if i was 32 this year, something new and quite exciting. At the first sight i´ve found Dragan always very handsome (oh yes!) but quite arrogant too. He could be so “macho” like, so chauvinistic,full of prejudices (i thought so). And as i hit some weak point of almost all Serbians (i have some Croatian friends as i love Croatia very much and 2 of them- they are over 40-fought in the famous war in Yugoslavia and i was stupid enough to say it loud), i knew what is a tabu thema for us now. However, Dragan is much different to our (slovak) guys, who are ….hm…maybe i will tell you once, how they are… and so different than German guys (as i am living now-4 years- in Germany). I never met such a proud guy. And many other characteristics already mentioned here would fit too. Well, for us-Slovaks-the family is also very, very important, but for him it is something sacred, something cherished, dearly loved and protected. What caused some problems… His parents left Serbia in 1999 (after NATO bombing of Belgrade where they come from) and went to Austria where my boyfriend lived until 2007 when he left for Germany. So they aren´t Serbs living in Serbia, but -and that is something i find nice- they are going regularly to Serbia. Twice a year: once for vacations in winter (orthodox christmas) and once in summer to visit the family which still lives there. So back to the point family: for him are his parents someone to love, to cherish, to look upon at. He adores his father for all he has done and does and for his strength and his mother…that was a breaking point in our relationship, so was his sister. That was the less pleasant side of our relationship, let me tell you. I really had very tough time with his mother and sister (who is also in Munich as we are)- i actually don´t know why but they disliked me that much that our relationship was on the rock very soon. Not because of such a cultural difference (there is not a huge cultural difference between eastern Slovaks and Serbs. And my family is of carpatho-ukrainian origin, so they are orthodox as well), or because of some stereotypes about Serbs that poved to be true. Not because he is extremely possesive and jealous (but very sweet and romantic also). But because of “his” women- because of his mother and his sister. They showed me very clearly (as i already met his family in summer) that they expected someone else on their son´s or brother´s side. So we´ll see how our relationship works further. Because as long is there no of “his women” in sight, everything is amazing and perfect. He is a very protecting and loving man. And manly, strong from outside. But when alone together-the most kind and romantic, the sweetest guy i´ve ever met. And otherwise than my last boyfriend, he dreams about marriage and family…But with “his women” disliking me so much, he is somewhere stuck in the middle and doesn´t know what to do. Sometimes i may feel his confusion and despair. But i cannot help him much with that. I try my best to get to know and to understand them but well, it ain´t that easy. So i pray for a happyending of this story! So much to my experience with Serbian guy. Maybe later when we are longer together (if we are), i can tell you more :) Go further with your blog, we just love it!

  32. Thank you for all of your comments. I am American with strong British & German heritage. Im married for 6 years to a Christian Serbian. He has a beautiful heart, proud & dignified & Honorable, sentimental. He loves Serbia & his culture. He often shares stories of his Grandmother, who was a strong influence in his life. It seems boys & men are raised to conceal their unmanly emotions. He is very macho, but since over the years through love & his respect for my intense, genuine & traditional values, he has let his softer side shine thgrough. He loves to cook …soups and me at, he’s a great cook. He loves bread, chease, peppers, MEAT, figs, Nutella, seafood all kinds, eggs, & dark chocolate. He has a strong belief in God & knows a lot about his religion, but doesnt go to church only on holidays. I will acknowledge some of the other comments posted on this site…..my Serbian husband also gets jealous and possessive but is too proud to explain or confess these feelings so he has tantrums & acts like a spoiled brat & you are left not having a clue what’s wrong with him or why he’s acting with bad behavior. I think he’s spoiled from being the only son in his family. He loves tennis and basketball, fancy watches, nice clothes and he’s very specific with his selection, especially shoes. Hes a gadget maniac, who likes all of the latest computer and phone technology. He talks a lot about former Yugoslavia, Tito and how it was when he was young in the 70’s. I can relate to some of the other comments on here as well, when we met, I was a fashion conscious trendsetter. Now after 6 years, I have my dress up days, but mostly these days, I have more simple days, relaxing yoga pants style. I definitely think now that I am analyzing his attention towards me, he definitely really appreciates when I look sexy & he likes to see other men & woman paying notice to me at the shopping malls & in public, as he feels honored. He’s a bit lazy & an underachiever, defeatist attitude. Its difficult at times to motivate him, his energy can be heavy & overbearing, that can hold back my goals. Serbians are intense, smart people. When they love…its pretty intense…with alot of passion and hungry sexual appetite. Serbian men have huge egos…like most men i guess, butbtgey dint taje any firm of criticism well at all. His true heart, dedication & allegiance towards me, is reciprocated from me to him as well and helps overcome some of the cultural challenges you don’t see early on when your dating. I think all men can be silent sufferers. He has a hard time expressing some of his past hurts, including the past days in Serbia’s yesterday years. He’s obsessed with conspiracy theories and following politics, both Serbian and American. He’s intelligent and studies all sorts of subjects. He knows alot about history and science, loves animals and nature. However, Serbians have a different sense of humor. Very beautiful in his appearance, clean, good hygiene, well mannered, polite, and doesn’t like bad language…..but like most serbians have another side…and when they are mad, they are crazy with anger and will bite off their nose to spite their face…..can be ridiculously stubborn & totally unreasonable & macho. He can be normal most of the time & lose his patience when he feels I’m raising my voice or I’m disrespect ing him by talking to him like he’s dumb, but most of the time its cause most Serbian men are moddy…they think they are kings. It seems like a contradiction to his machoism, when he becomes so sensitive to my tone or comments asking him to handle a responsible task, he can become childish and has tantrums cursing in serbian language, I heard other serbians live their life in Serbia, very calm, without all the hectic lifestyle that America battles daily, the finances and pressure here arevvery stressful. He rarely seems worried, no sense of urgency, like they are still in relaxed Serbia…he’s always chilled, except for his tantrums which after he freaks out, he’s OK. He’s got a great body, handsome, very pure heart, family man, stays home, doesn’t like to go out, but he is too relaxed. Kind of think he would be happy living on a yacht, cruising around the world. Sometimes he’s lazy even with his English.

  33. and girls….after one year of dating (a bit more) my Serbian guy, after neverending struggles and fights with his mother ans sister- we´ve got married! :) In Zrenjanin where fis family lives. The best man ever is now mine!!! Wish you much patience and love while dating your dream guys!

  34. Fascinating article. I’m a writer working on a story set in Serbia (all good things:) ), and the insights (both from article and comments) are supremely helpful. You’re all amazing, thanks.

  35. Hello from fellow Serb.
    O boy,most of you are right about lot of things about Serbian mans. And finally i got to read an interesting article about Serbs. Usually people who does not know us well thinks that we are terrorists witch we are not. As in all country’s there are certain amount of bad peoples and Serbia in not an exception. Thanks for the blog and an awesome find/read Alpha Juliet. <3

  36. Hi everyone! I loved this post and it looks like is describing my serbian boyfriend.
    I’m brazilian and we both live in Australia (I know, it’s a crazy strange mix. Hehehe). We have been together for one year and we are really in love with each other. We have had a few little fights at the beggining because eventhough he cooks deliciously and is better than me looking after the house, my serb is a bit macho, and in my culture both men and women cook, clean and do everything else in the house. I’m not used to the macho thing.
    We don’t live together but we sleep together many times per week. We learnt to be more flexible with each other as we come from very different cultures. Every morning he cooks the breakfast and prepare a fresh juice for me while I make the bed and I do the dishes…and this is awsome. My question is…..Is he a such wonderful guy or he is helping me just to be nice at the beggining and then he will go back to the macho behaviour? O.o
    Another thing I find funny is that he told me very clearly already that he wants to have babies with me…but he have never said anything about marriage and all that….. Hellooo???
    Once I asked him and he said that in Serbia people don’t need to marry to have kids.. I said…Yes, we do.
    Except for those two points everything is wonderful. And the comment about the coffee machine is true. Hehe ;)

    • All I can say is – my Serbian man still makes me a special cappuccino every morning (without me ever asking for it) and we’ve been together for 5 years. We have both changed – I’ve become ever so slightly more domestic (while still retaining my strong independent nature), and so has he. So we’ve found a balance over time. If marriage is important to you before having children, then explain that to him and stick with it. It’s true that Europeans don’t tend to regard marriage as a pre-requisite for family as much as some other cultures do. Although this seems to be slowly changing in America too. I remember my man wanted to buy a house together with me before we were even engaged, and I remember telling him A before B, B before C, lets not get ahead of ourselves. Good luck, and have fun, but stick to your values. It’s so easy to change over time without really realizing it because the influence of a loved one can be so strong.

  37. Amazing post. I just started seeing a Serbian man online. On our first date he kissed me so passionately that my knees got week. Second date was better than the first one and after having coffee and dinner we went to my place, we did the same on the third date. I want to assume that he is the one for me, nut I know he is online dating site everyday. My concern or question is that did I let him move too fast? Yesterday I expected him to contact me, but he didn’t so I called him myself, he called me back 2 hours later and told me he was at work, but I think he was on another date. Should I initiate the contact again or wait for him to contact me. I am already falling for him and that’s why am really afraid to get hurt.

    • I’m going to have to quote a line from sex and the city here – in my experience its been incredibly true.

      “Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day, they decide they are ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck. It’s all about timing. You gotta get them when their light’s on. Or off duty. They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available. Most men don’t stay lit long before they take the plunge, verses most women who’ve been lit pretty much since birth.”

      So if this guy’s light is not on, its probably not going to go anywhere. I’m sorry to be so blunt. If you want to settle down and he doesn’t seem ready, try to move on now before you get hurt, or waste time and energy investing in the relationship.

  38. Wow, what am amazing blog filled with great comments. I have a really weird question that I hope someone will answer. I became casual friends with a Serbian man in Spring of 2014 and we began dating in Summer 2014. We planned a short vacation together (the first) over a long weekend in Fall 2014 and it was completely perfect and he and I are incredibly compatible. Your blog is ridiculously accurate I must say–a closet full of designer everything, he is in fantastic physical shape, plays tennis watches football, drinks rakija before every meal,etc but he is also a damned hard worker. In short, I have dated lots of Americans and Europeans but never have a dated any man who was more polite and gentlemanly than this man. In the few months that I have been with him, he has treated me better than any other man I’ve ever been with.

    Here is the issue, he behaves as if he utterly adores me. He is always cuddling and kissing me, he is protective and it’s important to him to provide anything I could want or need. A few weeks before our vacation, he told me we should have a baby–WHAM!–just like that. I was like “say huh?” He answered that I would be an excellent mother and that I should move in and we should marry etc. The weird thing is, he never tells me he loves me-ever. Oh don’t get me wrong, he ACTS like it all the time, he just never says it. He always says “puno te ljubim” but never anything else. I started to wonder all kinds of weird things like could he secretly be gay, maybe he’s really just a player, etc. Don’t misunderstand, I would rather have a man who shows it all the time and never says it than a man who says it all the time and doesn’t mean it and treats me badly. However, I have to admit I find it awkward. He is verbally affectionate in a lot of other ways (“moja macka” etc.) but I have never heard the big “volim” pass his lips. . . In your opinion, is this unusual?

    • I would talk to him – find a good time to sit down and ask him about his feelings for you. He says all these things, he wants to marry you, have a baby with you, etc. but does he love you? Ask. Do you love him? You need to talk about it before getting swept off your feet. Your instincts are right.

      • Thanks for your reply! I wasn’t sure if it was a larger cultural thing with men not liking to talk about emotions or if it was more personal to him. I will have that conversation with him. I think I am correctly reading between the lines of your message and I wondered that too. . .

  39. Omg, this is so accurate with my Serbian ex. We dated for a year and I broke up with him about a month ago because I felt he was too clingy and would get easily jealous. Now I regret it so much because he was a wonderful boyfriend. Always texting me, checking up on me, and would do anything for me. The break up hurted him so much that he refuses to ever talk to me again. I’m a painter and I sent him my painting of the Serbian flag as a gift and a way of apologizing for leaving him. I also wrote him a letter telling him how I truly feel and that he should write back to me when he’s ready. Is there anything else I can do to win him back? Currently I am giving him some space and time alone.

    • My advice is to try to move on. That may seem harsh, but you followed your instincts and broke it off, and I think that was a wise choice. Clingy and jealousy early on could grow into controlling behavior later on. You don’t want to be dealing with that for the long haul. Now you are grovelling, and that’s not becoming. Break ups are always hard, but trust your gut and move forward without him. You will find someone who trusts you, gives you the freedom and independence you deserve, and loves you just as much and even more than he ever did.
      Good Luck!

  40. Oh and as far as mama’s boys. I agree with that part. But it’s just like with Americans. The mom’s spoil the boys and do everything for them, while the dads do the same for their daughters. If your Serbian friend or boyfriend just came to the US…STAY AWAY FROM YO MAMA JOKES. When I first came here those jokes just started and I knocked an American kid out in middle school because he said “Yo mama is so ugly…” he didn’t get to finish :P . In Serbia and Balkans in general moms are revered and never spoken ill about. If you want to start a fist fight with someone, insult their mother.

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