I need a vacation before my vacation.

On Fridays when I get out of work, I am so exhausted that I can barely drive straight. When I finally get home, I stare at the TV, too tired to even walk the dog or feed myself. I usually sleep at least 10 hours before waking up feeling like I was hit by a truck. When I finally drag myself out of bed, it takes me awhile before I have enough energy to make coffee. Then I make a whole pot and sip it for hours while poring over my weekend to do list. By Monday I am refreshed, but never quite ready to do it all again.

I have been working very hard at a stressful job, painstakingly progressing through an intense training program at a rushed pace. Just as my long-awaited vacation is finally almost here, I find myself so close to finishing a major milestone goal at my work, one I had hoped to complete before I went on this vacation to Serbia. A week or two, and I’d be done, but in just a few short days, I will board a plane to Amsterdam, then Belgrade, then shortly thereafter, Montenegro. Instead of finishing this goal, I will be on what I hope to be, my dream vacation. I will not be able to accomplish this one last big work thing before I go, and this is leaving me feeling a little anxious.

Not only do I not feel ready to leave work, I also feel like I am not ready to actually arrive in Belgrade and begin my vacation. Why am I not ready? I’d like to say that I love lazy days and spontaneity, but really I am a perfectionist and a control freak.  I am in desperate need of a vacation and need to relax, but before I go, there’s just a few things I’d like to get done. See, I’m the type of person who likes to be prepared. I show up to doctor’s appointments with a handwritten notes and questions.  I start researching car safety records a year in advance before I plan on purchasing one, and I never go the grocery store without a list.  The idea of getting onto a plane for a rare and special vacation without so much as a plan except to “have fun” is horrifying.

Its not that I don’t love surprises or going with the flow, its just that really want to get the most out of this trip. If I had more time to prepare, I could…practice my Serbian, learn how to do my hair better, and lose a few pounds so I can look fabulous in pictures, and of course, I’d love to learn how to take better pictures so I can really capture each special moment, and as always I never feel like I am writing as much as I want to. Not only this, but I really want to spend some more time researching all the amazing and wonderful things I hope to do and see while I am over there, so I can come up with a spectacular plan for experiencing the adventure trip of a lifetime.  But my departure date is approaching and with the break neck pace of my work and me being so tired and distracted on my down time because of it, it now seems I won’t get any of these preparations done. Wouldn’t it be nice to check off a few “to-dos” before I go unwind? I really think it would help me relax more and get the most out of my trip! It seems like I’m going to have to let go of tying up the loose ends and just embrace the chaos. Instead of driving the car, I’m going to have to just hang on for the ride.

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